Girls who (pretend to) like football.

It's football season, and while the Guy Who Says So wouldn't sacrifice a rat to save the sport of football, (America as Rome, football as gladiatorial combat, enjoy, plebes) there is one thing that does bother him. Otherwise, intelligent, beautiful, capable and strong women pretending to like football, so they can be included and don't feel so bad when their boyfriends, husbands and fuck buddies spend 97% of one of the most beautiful seasons of the year in the fucking house drinking beer and watching a bunch of idiots run into each other. Let's be clear. I don't *hate* football. Sports can be fun, and at least football hasn't been ruining itself as a sport as quickly as the others. (Baseball? You're on notice...basketball was long gone at the turn of the century.)

Unless you are a girl who looks like a man...odds are very good that do don't *actually* like football. You're just pretending. You might have gone so far as to remember players from your "favorite" teams history. You might have taken otherwise useful brain power to memorize the starting lineup and specific stats. But you don't *really* care...you're just pretending. And it's not the pretending that's fucking stupid, it's the *reason* you're pretending. To fit in with the boys. This is not a sexist or misogynistic thing, female humans...in fact, quite the opposite. You're better than that, and you should know it.

So put away the fake grease smears, and your "favorite" teams "jersey", that you tie in a knot behind your back so you can show that you're not just a boy with long hair. Stop yelling yourself raw about shit you don't care about, stop wasting your energy in what is essentially a warped mating ritual. They boys will still come to you if you stop pretending to like football. If you are still in college and want to fuck a football player...or shit, even if you don't, odds are good that you get fucked by one anyway (date rape, the staple of college football players everywhere)...all you have to do is ask. They don't care if you like the game.

Epilogue: To the girls who really truly deeply love and enjoy football...um...that's fucking stupid?

Yeah. It is.